12/26/16 - I have never smoked dimethyltryptamine, but I've heard and read that it's intensity is exquisite and baffling... I wouldn't dare to. But, I did brave the psilocybin mushroom (a more complex version of dimethyltryptamine) in higher than the usual dosage, out of an intense curiosity. I regretted my highest dose. It wasn't fun at all. Or rather, it was, and then it just wasn't. The scary thing about mushrooms is that you don't know exactly what they will do, no matter how familiar you are with the substance. It has the same quality, and is the same substance, that makes our dreams. A dream might bewilder you in a lot of ways, but (at least in my experience), it never entirely controls you... Or at least, you maintain some instinctual knowledge that the dream will certainly end. Mushrooms are taken while awake, and dreaming intensely while awake can lead to an unbelievably horrifying state of mind. You might dream that you are an alien, and your fate, and the fate of the world, is to explode, and take the whole universe with you... A slow and painful spontaneous combustion of sorts. This was precisely the dream I dreamt on my heaviest dose of psilocybin... And I suppose, in the same way that you suddenly wake from a dream and remember what you are actually currently doing, I woke from the psilocybin nightmare at some point to realize that my impressions were false - only the transition was more rocky than waking from normal dreams. There isn't the clear point in time when you snap to - It just slowly dawns on you that you were full of shit. This is why I don't want to smoke DMT, as mind-blowing and completely interesting as it sounds. The prospect of the potential nightmare horrifies me. Why let delusions take over your mind when you don't have to? What, then, still interests me about DMT and psilocybin? It would be their relevance in speculating about the after-life. I know, and take for granted, the knowledge that there MUST be an after-life, since I know I won't stop existing - Seeing as it is that I still do, somehow. Was this just a one-time deal that I magically and inconceivably luckily am experiencing RIGHT NOW?? No. Of course not. I exist and have always existed. This is an existential statement that cannot be simply refuted. If, then, I observe that I exist on a timeline, it follows that this timeline must repeat itself, endlessly. This is one of the things that I was simply able to PERCEIVE on psilocybin. I experienced what is commonly known as de-ja-vu, and it was vivid. Is this another delusion?? You can jump to a resounding "YES!", or you can be more inquisitive. Given that I have a logical basis for assuming that life endlessly repeats itself, it is natural for me to take the impression of just that, when under the influence of psilocybin, seriously. This is a REAL product of organic nature that has MONUMENTAL power over the mind when ingested. Why is it so powerful?? Might the substance itself have some objective integrity?? Might it not be an important component of reality, given that it can do this? I cannot say "No" as a responsible, thinking adult. As a scientist, the inquiry into this substance seems to me to be completely pertinent in the new frontier of discovery. The only way to study it is to eat it. But, the question is, how valid is the DMT experience? While it verifies itself to me by producing phenomena such as de-ja-vu, it also discredits itself by being no more valid than the last fantasy you had during the night! There is a lot of things to consider... And I will do so carefully. But what the current ideological climate of empirical, scientific rationalization has to understand is that not all science can be conducted with objective substantiation. To further science, the subjective experience must be considered relevant. And lies can not be tolerated. I attest - I have experienced de-ja-vu and know that the impression must be real. I actually am reliving the same experience over and over. Now, for me, the questions are, WHY and HOW? I have provided myself answers to such questions, which you might be interested in... |